Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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