I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm like, not good at living.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
