lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
