Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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