Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
