fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
