Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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