they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
