So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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