Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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