I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my shit smells like andre
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
