my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
