before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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