i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
