Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
