I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
