I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
