I wanna bring you to show and tell
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
