i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
