Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
