:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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