remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I wear drunk well.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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