That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
