And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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