i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
