am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
3 2 1 whiskey
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
