yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I've blown a few things in my day
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
