i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
