I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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