A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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