I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
