Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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