Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
