I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
