I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
