I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
