if only i could text you this smell
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
