So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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