"it" just moved
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
