Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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