Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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