youre lurking in front of me
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
