yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize