Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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