if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
