You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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