you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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