If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
