I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize