I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
