I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
