just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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