This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
