I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
His hands were made for my vagina.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
