you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
