you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she pinky promised me she was 18
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
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