tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
