ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
