I think my fart just growled at me.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
