Betty ford says i'm here all night
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
