Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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