uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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