So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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