hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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