is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
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She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
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Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.