24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?