Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
