whjeg hajt iyt
wanna hang out?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.