Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks