apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!