He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Randomize
