Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
