Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
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eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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