I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
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Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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