Pappa wants mamma naked
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
