Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
