when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
