You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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