Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
