Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
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Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
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Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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