Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
